Unexpected Reminders

During a break from my own training schedule, I coached and assisted at my mentor's prestigious Master Practitioner NLP training. As always, it is a amazing process to watch students transform themselves and their skills. I've known no other means to achieve such a deep and lasting level of results so quickly. In the midst of this training, I had an unexpected reminder that is still sending ripples into my life.

It was near the middle of the training. I was preparing to break a board that represented achieving my goals and, on the reverse side, breaking through the limitations I had placed on myself. I held my board and focused my intention while my assistant positioned the cement blocks where the board would be placed. I handed her my board and she gently set the board on the blocks, an inch on each side overlapping the edges of the blocks. As she adjusted the board's position one last time, it suddenly popped and split into two halves, dropping with a clatter to the floor.

The look on her face was priceless. I'm sure mine mirrored hers. We stood there stunned for a moment, voiced our surprise, and then she apologized profusely for causing the board to break. In the first moments, I admit I was a little irked because I had really wanted to break that board. The things I had listed on it had been ongoing challenges for me and I was eager for this symbolic break through.

In the next breath, the emotion was gone and in its place was an intense curiosity about what had just happened. I had handled that board for several days, carrying it with me to class, writing on it, rapping it with my knuckles and otherwise proving its structural integrity. I had seen no cracks in the board during its time with me. How was it that it just broke like that? Was it just a coincidence? An unfortunate timing of events?

The answer came through the lips of my assistant as we talked about the incident the next day. "Maybe it just means you don't have to do it all by yourself anymore," she said casually as we were observing students during a hypnosis exercise. It was an Ah-ha moment. Pristine. Crystal clear in a heart beat.

The goals and limitations I wrote on the board had been about my business and the tasks that needed my attention in order for it to continue running smoothly. The symbolic meaning of that board breaking without my touch (but every bit of my intention) was so obvious that I laughed instantly. So incredibly obvious... and yet so incredibly unconscious until she spoke the words aloud.

That day's learning continues to bubble to the surface more than a month afterward. Not only did I gain the insight to develop a talented support team, but I was reminded of the delight I felt when I was a student long ago, learning to open the doorway between my Conscious Mind and Unconscious Mind, learning to integrate their intentions and communicate each one's distinctive wisdoms. I savored, once again, the joy of being a life-long student to the art of human development.

The secret of the past

It's been a busy few months. I wanted to grab this opportunity to share something with you that I discovered accidentally. This little secret gave me a leap forward in my personal evolution and it has helped many of my clients change their lives. If you embrace this and make it true for yourself, you'll experience the same freedom and relief.

The secret is....the past is just a story. It's a tale we tell over and over again to remember and record what "really" happened. Funny thing is, if you ask two people who were in the same event what "really" happened, they'll both tell you a different story. That's because there is no true past. There are just lots of stories about the past.

So, if the past is just a story, what would happen if we just told a new story? What would happen if we imagined it the way we wanted it to be?

Let me give you an example. I experienced childhood abuse at the hands of a family member. For many years, my story about the past was of the horror, outrage and injustice that was done to me. It's true that I felt that way and I had a right to tell that story. It's also true that there is another story about what happened to me.

This new story feels a whole lot better. What really happened to me is that I found myself in a very difficult and challenging place at a young age. That experience defined many aspects of Who I Am today. It taught me how to follow my heart and fight for my right to a great life. I learned skills of survival, perseverance, intuitiveness, and courage. I discovered my passion for self-growth, and an accountability to my reason for being here on this planet. I also was gifted with a fierce determination to have the most amazing life I could make for myself. That's the "true" story of what happened to me as a child. I LOVE that story!

Now, when I float back over my past, I see the things that happened and I notice the Me that was forming in those times. I see the budding of my sense of self-worth when I stepped forward and confronted my abuser. I see the emergence of my independent spirit and courage to meet challenges with focus and intention in the times I felt alone and unprepared to deal with the situation. I became my own best ally and champion. What more power and healing can a human wish for than to direct your own destiny? The learning is in the journey, in each moment.

Once I was working with a client who was experiencing health problems, career challenges and a lot of emotional blocks that kept her from being happy. I noticed that she kept telling the same wounding stories over and over, as if to keep herself from forgetting. It dawned on me that she was the only person in the room who could verify the facts of her tale. If she's her own "Keeper of the Facts" about her past, couldn't she just rewrite them in her head? Who would know or care that she created a new story for herself? A story that helped her heal, find peace and satisfaction in her career, and release the misery. Believe me, the misery has no attachment to sticking around. She's the one who has the attachment to the miserable "facts".

In truth, "facts" are just a selective story, too. We gather selective data (facts) and interpret it to understand their meaning. We can only gather facts based on where our attention is. Facts don't exist at all unless someone pays attention to them enough to write them down and keep a record. And even then...EVEN then, they're just one little bit of data someone gathered and while they were gathering that data they missed millions of other bits of data that were present in the exact same moment. It's the nature of a quantum universe.

So what's the truth about the past? It's the story you choose to write in your thoughts. It should be the story that helps you be happy in the NOW and moves you forward with joyous intention into the future. After all, the future, too, is just a story waiting to be written.

Your beliefs drive your life

"In order to believe in something you must first agree with it."
(Quoted from 8,789 Words of Wisdom by Barbara Ann Kipfer)

This quote stirred up a memory for me. A good part of my Master-level NLP education focused on beliefs and values. Your beliefs drive everything! Beliefs and values determine how we spend your time, energy, money, the quality of our relationships and everything else in our lives. We all have two levels of beliefs: our conscious beliefs and our deeper, underlying unconscious ones. The conscious beliefs are obvious to you; it's the unconscious ones that show up in all of those troubled areas in your life. And what's weird is that you may think you believe in one thing (prosperity is a good example), but really - based on the results you're getting in your life - you really, at a deeper unconscious level, believe something else (money is evil).

So here's the deal. In order to change what's happening in your life - whether it's struggling with relationships, hating your job, or being financially challenged - you have to discover your deep values and beliefs and create new ones that will get the results you want. The truth is, you literally can't do something unless you believe it. If deep inside you think that money is evil, you will not allow yourself to have money.

Given that beliefs run your life, wouldn't it be great to know what your beliefs are? And better yet, be able to change and believe those things that will make your life great?

People say "That's just the way I am", as if you can't change your beliefs. Actually, it's something we do all the time, every day. What do I mean? New information creates new beliefs. Say a new story comes on TV about a politician you voted for who just got caught embezzeling state funds. That new information makes you stop and re-evaluate what you thought about the guy (your old belief). You then add the new information to what you knew before and, most likely, change your agreement with yourself that he was a good person to represent you. You now believe he's a crook and you decide not to support that politician in the next election (your new belief). That's how quickly and easily you can change. New information is the key.

And notice that the new belief drives the actions you take from this point forward. You'll probably share you new opinions with someone. You may find yourself researching other candidates who you could vote for in the next election. You could feel outraged enough to join a political action group to weed out corruption in government. At the very least, when voting day comes you'll cast your vote a different direction.

Here's the problem. Believe it or not, your beliefs act as filters that prevent new information from coming in. That's why people get so frustrated about changing beliefs. It sometimes takes outside help to see what you can't see, a new perspective. Hypnosis is one way I help my clients. It allows us to bypass the conscious barrier and install new information at the deep levels where the unconscious beliefs live. I also use a questioning process (called quantum linguistics) that help me wiggle through the belief filters and find new handle holds that allow you to create the new beliefs you want.

If you don't like what's happening in your life, find a way to discover your beliefs and values. Start with a specific area of your life. Ask yourself, "What's important to me about X?" Write down all of the answers that come to you. Then, ask yourself again, "What's important to me about X?" Again, write down any new answers. Then repeat the question a third time and write down all of the answers you get. You may be surprised at what you discover. Send me an email and let me know how it goes!

You have to take action in order to change your beliefs.

Recognizing our beliefs...

I just read my last post and realized that the words I wrote reflect my own beliefs about sharing our dreams. It's a belief born of my own experience and is not true for everyone. Reading it alerts me to another belief I am releasing that ties back to the "coming from the source" post a few days ago.

Within me I've had the erroneous belief that what other people think must be right and I must be wrong. I thought their logic must have been better thought out, more articulate, wiser. How on earth can I expect to accomplish my dreams if I held on to this belief?

I see now how the belief has been manifesting in my life. As I strove to create my destiny I began to isolate myself so that I could maintain clarity and focus, untainted by others' beliefs and opinions. While I do enjoy solitude and the reflection it allows, it's important to me that I recognize that one element of seeking solitude has been to counteract that mis-belief about other people's wisdom.

I have another belief that empowers me every day to be the creator of my own destiny. The belief is that when we come from a place of reaction, we are allowing the other force to define our path. I learned this in my work within one segment of the feminist movement. It seemed that much of their energy was spent in reaction to what males were doing, so they were constantly being drawn to confrontation, challenge and outrage. What a waste of energy. Nothing was being created or defined anew. They lived in the world of rebellious reflection and still remained under the control of a male-centered society.

Contrast that with the work of the women's spirituality groups, led primarily by Starhawk. These women left behind the reactionary feminist life and chose, instead, to seek a new way, a new definition and a new set of beliefs. They created exactly that. Women's spirituality focuses our attention on the strength, gifts and magic of women's power. We see the interwoven powers of both genders and learn to define our own role in that relationship. Women in that segment of the feminist movement are empowered creators of their own lives, and in their work, they have shaped a new belief that opens the way for other women to explore.

I thank the teachings of Seth for reminding me of this. I will continue to recognize my beliefs and change the ones that do not serve me. I hope you will, too.

Silence really can be golden...

It's not always the best idea to talk about your dreams and aspirations with others, especially when it's a fledgling dream that hasn't fully taken form yet.

In the beginning, you may have a sense of its shape or a prescience of your future direction if you choose to follow the dream. In these times, the dream may be fragile. It exists in your nurturing mind, a mind that accepts it even though you may not have answered all of the questions that must inevitably be answered about its impact on you and your life. The excitement lights your eyes and your heart soars with the possibilities before you. Most eagerly, you attempt to share with others and discover that they may well question for details that you do not have in this early stage. Trying to bring your inner knowing to the rest of the world could put your tender new dream in jeopardy. Sometimes these things are meant to be kept inside.

So, for now, let the dream be nurtured within, as a baby is held safely and warmly within its mother during gestation. Let no one prod or poke at your tender new reality. Hold it, learn who it is, experience the precious joy that comes with any new discovery. Create a knowing between you and your dream that strengthens your understanding of it. When the emotional and spiritual giddyness has transformed to deeper surety, then it is time to share.

Newborn dreams are too precious to throw to the unappreciative and careless. When your dream can stand safely on its own legs, though a bit wobbly even still, then it is time to test it against the outer world.

Coming from the source

I get reminded of this often enough that you'd think I would have it down pat by now. Perhaps this time I do.

The true source of my ability to create the life I want comes to me from within, from that source of knowing that has no name. I could call it God. I could call it Intuition. For some, the former would strike a chord, for others, the latter. As a hypnotherapist, I might call it your Unconscious Mind. And as a student of Huna, I might say my ku, my na'au, or even my aumakua. Whatever you want to call it, it's the voice of knowing within you. Some are so completely unaware of that inner voice (as I was in my younger days) that they don't even realize it's speaking. They simply respond to it without conscious thought about what it is to which they respond. No matter the name we use or the awareness we have of it, it is an inner source that guides us and one that we can trust unfailingly.

Abraham's Perspective on the Source
I don't know if you've read or heard about Abraham-Hicks. Abraham is the non-physical spiritual guide that speaks through Esther Hicks. Abraham describes this voice as our "inner being" who speaks to us in the form of emotion. When we experience a negative emotion, our inner being is telling us that our thoughts are not in line with Who We Really Are. Emotions guide us toward creating what we really want in our lives.

Personally, I've found the trickiest part isn't understanding Abraham's explanation. The trickiest part for me has been to identify the thought I'm having that is causing my emotions to give me negative feedback. It's helped me to become more aware of what I'm thinking. Surprising to me was the realization that I have a constant train of thought going on in my head that is not originating from the current moment and its happenings, but from past events and experiences. My thoughts tend, if I'm not being attentive to them, to mull over what past experiences mean or how I should behave now so that I can avoid pain, anger, disappointment or sadness. Here I am, Ms. Progressive, and most of my time is spent looking backward! That was an eye opener.

Externalizing the Source
When I'm not mindful of my thoughts I tend to externalize the decision about whether I am acting in a right or wrong fashion. In those "auto pilot" times, I find myself looking to others for confirmation that I'm doing OK. I fall into the trap of externalizing my guiding voice, looking outward for the source of my direction rather than inward.

A perfect example of this came to mind this morning as I was writing in my journal. A dear friend who I respect immensely gave me feedback once that I allowed to alter my self-perception. This friend, let's call her Sue, is a very talented career coach. She has a knack for helping people focus in on innate talents and find work that uses them. I confided in Sue one day that my deepest desire is to transform my software training skills into personal & spiritual growth training. Her response was lukewarm at best. In fact, she changed the subject! I was devastated.

Believing that she may not have understood how important this was to me, I tried again to explain it to her a few weeks later. The same response; lukewarm, polite "ahs" and "how interesting", then a subject change. Now I was getting angry. How can she call herself a career coach when she can't see what I long so deeply to create in my life?

Months have past since those conversations. My upset continued throughout as I internalized her belief that I couldn't do my dream. I faltered and became depressed, trying to focus on my current job in the hopes that my success there would rid me of my blasted hopes for another career. Everytime my dream would resurface, turning it's trusting face toward me for encouragement, Sue's face and words as she expressed her doubt echoed in my mind, bringing an immediate sense of hurt and loss. How could she steal my dream that way?

The true stealer of dreams is probably more obvious to you than it was to me at the time. Rather than ask how she could steal my dream, I should have been asking, "how could I allow her to steal my dream?"! I believed her when she expressed her doubt. I accepted it. Buy why? Why was it so much easier for me to believe her doubts than to believe in my own dream?

Reflecting Our Inner Voice
it was easier to believe the doubts because her doubts were actually my own, reflected back to me. She served as a mirror to my own internal fears, and I accepted her doubt because it struck a chord within me. A little voice inside said, Yeah! She's right! You're not good enough!

When I realized from where the true source of doubt came, I felt an instant lightening of my spirit. If it was truly coming from within me, then I had the power to change it. Again, my thoughts returned to Abraham's message that emotions are messages from our inner beings. Negative emotion (as I felt toward Sue) is often projected outward as blame. I felt angry and wounded because of what she said, or so I thought. Truthfully, I felt angry and wounded because my own thoughts were undermining my dream. The thought came from within me and my emotions alerted me. What a wonderful gift Sue gave to me. What a wonderful mechanism of learning and awareness our Creator has given us!

Identifying the Source in All Its Disguises
The tricky part in coming to the awareness that Sue was not the stealer of my dream was in recognizing and accepting my role in the experience. I knew the negative emotion was there, but I mistakenly looked outside of myself for its cause...as if someone else's thoughts could speak for my soul. It was only when I identified the source as coming from within me that I found my way out of the doubt and fear and back on track to my dream.

The source always comes from within us, no matter its disguise. Remembering that we can only respond to and recognize words and actions that mirror our own thoughts and experiences will help you to bring your focus back to your inner voice. One cannot recognize a yellow boat if one does not know what "yellow" and "boat" are. Be aware of this and claim your power.

And so we begin...

As every journey begins with the first step, so does this personal journey begin with its first post.

Wisdom
For as long as I can remember, I've craved wisdom. I want to know how we grow into being who we are as individuals. I want to know how we learn to recognize our foibles and faults...and ultimately, how we learn to change them, mature them. I want to know how we can consciously evolve ourselves.

I know I'm not alone. It's nearly impossible to list the number of books written on the subject of personal growth. Each has its focus. Each has its perspective. Some are very practical and others delve deeply into spiritual realms. I've found every sort of topic helpful over the years, as I'm sure you have, too. What interests me most, though, is the spirit.

Spirit & Personal Growth
The spirit survives all other elements of our life here. We can focus on very solid personal growth, such as leadership skills, and get that great job with the nice six-figure paycheck. But when we die, the paycheck ends and we're left with our spirit. The spirit has also grown in the skill of leadership and can carry forth that skill to its next adventure. The same can be said for almost any personal growth that first begins as a means toward earthly reward. It seems that the most satisfying personal growth happens when, at its core, the growth is truly spiritual. It has been my observation, both in my own life and the the lives of others, that it is the person who creates long term spiritual growth who finds the most all-encompassing happiness.

Logic and Intuition
You'll discover as you read these writings that I often wander between logic and intuition. Logic serves well when it comes to organizing and ordering thoughts. We all are probably most familiar with its tenets and methods. While logic is well-rewarded in this science-based world, intuition often suffers sneers and dismal as a valid tool for personal growth. Intuition, I've learned, is a human's best friend. It is that inner voice that speaks in the language most perfectly matched to our own thinking. Given the powerful role it has played in my life, I expect you'll hear a lot about it over the upcoming span of time.

Work calls, so I'll end this for today. I truly hope that these wanderings are a contribution of value to the many that have come before and the many that will be written in the future. I cannot promise to be so perfectly phrased over time, but I do hope to be easily read.