Coming from the source

I get reminded of this often enough that you'd think I would have it down pat by now. Perhaps this time I do.

The true source of my ability to create the life I want comes to me from within, from that source of knowing that has no name. I could call it God. I could call it Intuition. For some, the former would strike a chord, for others, the latter. As a hypnotherapist, I might call it your Unconscious Mind. And as a student of Huna, I might say my ku, my na'au, or even my aumakua. Whatever you want to call it, it's the voice of knowing within you. Some are so completely unaware of that inner voice (as I was in my younger days) that they don't even realize it's speaking. They simply respond to it without conscious thought about what it is to which they respond. No matter the name we use or the awareness we have of it, it is an inner source that guides us and one that we can trust unfailingly.

Abraham's Perspective on the Source
I don't know if you've read or heard about Abraham-Hicks. Abraham is the non-physical spiritual guide that speaks through Esther Hicks. Abraham describes this voice as our "inner being" who speaks to us in the form of emotion. When we experience a negative emotion, our inner being is telling us that our thoughts are not in line with Who We Really Are. Emotions guide us toward creating what we really want in our lives.

Personally, I've found the trickiest part isn't understanding Abraham's explanation. The trickiest part for me has been to identify the thought I'm having that is causing my emotions to give me negative feedback. It's helped me to become more aware of what I'm thinking. Surprising to me was the realization that I have a constant train of thought going on in my head that is not originating from the current moment and its happenings, but from past events and experiences. My thoughts tend, if I'm not being attentive to them, to mull over what past experiences mean or how I should behave now so that I can avoid pain, anger, disappointment or sadness. Here I am, Ms. Progressive, and most of my time is spent looking backward! That was an eye opener.

Externalizing the Source
When I'm not mindful of my thoughts I tend to externalize the decision about whether I am acting in a right or wrong fashion. In those "auto pilot" times, I find myself looking to others for confirmation that I'm doing OK. I fall into the trap of externalizing my guiding voice, looking outward for the source of my direction rather than inward.

A perfect example of this came to mind this morning as I was writing in my journal. A dear friend who I respect immensely gave me feedback once that I allowed to alter my self-perception. This friend, let's call her Sue, is a very talented career coach. She has a knack for helping people focus in on innate talents and find work that uses them. I confided in Sue one day that my deepest desire is to transform my software training skills into personal & spiritual growth training. Her response was lukewarm at best. In fact, she changed the subject! I was devastated.

Believing that she may not have understood how important this was to me, I tried again to explain it to her a few weeks later. The same response; lukewarm, polite "ahs" and "how interesting", then a subject change. Now I was getting angry. How can she call herself a career coach when she can't see what I long so deeply to create in my life?

Months have past since those conversations. My upset continued throughout as I internalized her belief that I couldn't do my dream. I faltered and became depressed, trying to focus on my current job in the hopes that my success there would rid me of my blasted hopes for another career. Everytime my dream would resurface, turning it's trusting face toward me for encouragement, Sue's face and words as she expressed her doubt echoed in my mind, bringing an immediate sense of hurt and loss. How could she steal my dream that way?

The true stealer of dreams is probably more obvious to you than it was to me at the time. Rather than ask how she could steal my dream, I should have been asking, "how could I allow her to steal my dream?"! I believed her when she expressed her doubt. I accepted it. Buy why? Why was it so much easier for me to believe her doubts than to believe in my own dream?

Reflecting Our Inner Voice
it was easier to believe the doubts because her doubts were actually my own, reflected back to me. She served as a mirror to my own internal fears, and I accepted her doubt because it struck a chord within me. A little voice inside said, Yeah! She's right! You're not good enough!

When I realized from where the true source of doubt came, I felt an instant lightening of my spirit. If it was truly coming from within me, then I had the power to change it. Again, my thoughts returned to Abraham's message that emotions are messages from our inner beings. Negative emotion (as I felt toward Sue) is often projected outward as blame. I felt angry and wounded because of what she said, or so I thought. Truthfully, I felt angry and wounded because my own thoughts were undermining my dream. The thought came from within me and my emotions alerted me. What a wonderful gift Sue gave to me. What a wonderful mechanism of learning and awareness our Creator has given us!

Identifying the Source in All Its Disguises
The tricky part in coming to the awareness that Sue was not the stealer of my dream was in recognizing and accepting my role in the experience. I knew the negative emotion was there, but I mistakenly looked outside of myself for its cause...as if someone else's thoughts could speak for my soul. It was only when I identified the source as coming from within me that I found my way out of the doubt and fear and back on track to my dream.

The source always comes from within us, no matter its disguise. Remembering that we can only respond to and recognize words and actions that mirror our own thoughts and experiences will help you to bring your focus back to your inner voice. One cannot recognize a yellow boat if one does not know what "yellow" and "boat" are. Be aware of this and claim your power.